People Pleasing 396 Hz Guided Meditation With NEW Affirmations - 48 Hour Challenge

[00:00:00] This guided meditation at 396 Hz frequency music reaches your subconscious mind to help you uncover how and why you may be using people pleasing to get along in life. And it helps with anxiety, stress, and suppressed emotions.

[00:00:17] This will guide you to solve some people pleasing issues and begin on a new fresh path of empowerment and happiness. This meditation is best used when relaxing in a calm state. You may want to keep a notepad to jot any insights down that you discover, but today

[00:00:33] we are just on a discovery mission to your hidden mind where people pleasing resides. Get comfortable now and listen to my voice guide you through discovery and fresh ideas about people pleasing to heal your life. Just relax.

[00:00:50] People pleasing is something learned either a long time ago or even recently, possibly in your recent event or a challenging relationship. Before you can begin changing people pleasing behaviors, you first have to recognize the

[00:01:04] triggers, how and when it happens, and get to the subconscious mind, and so it will let you in. In this guided meditation we will gently seek to uncover these answers and work on your subconscious mind to begin the process of acceptance. So get comfortable and close your eyes.

[00:01:25] Seek a time in space where you won't be interrupted for the next few moments. Stay till the end. Allow yourself to have the special time to yourself to simply explore the roots of people pleasing so you can become more peaceful. Take a deep breath in and release.

[00:01:47] Just one more breath in and release. A last breath in. Breathe in, hold and release. Just relax. People pleasing is exhausting. But you welcome the experience of it for a good reason. Usually the reason was to keep you protected.

[00:02:21] You may have learned this behavior early in life when there was no maturity to understand what to do. You also may have recently learned this behavior in consequence of a controlling relationship or another situation where you began to act this way in order to

[00:02:40] possibly keep a relationship intact. There's no shame or bad in people pleasing. It's simply a learned behavior that can be unlearned. You are not broken. Just relax and breathe. It doesn't necessarily matter when you began these behaviors based on your environment. It can happen for many different reasons.

[00:03:05] What we want to do now is simply explore today and learn. This isn't a hard exercise. We're going to allow part of your mind to answer some questions so you might be able to learn and see things better. Once you do, it's easier to change.

[00:03:22] But you cannot change what you do not see. So let's get more relaxed now and breathe and begin to picture yourself in a peaceful field of flowers on a sunny day, feeling warm and safe. We're going to begin an exploration of your deeper mind.

[00:03:43] There's nothing scary or shameful about this. We simply want to allow yourself to be on a discovery mission without self-judgment. Now think about a recent occasion when you acted in a people pleasing manner with someone in your life.

[00:04:03] Think back even if it was today, yesterday, last week or longer. Bring the person to your mind. We want to try to find out how people pleasing is happening in your life first. Is there an occasion that is in your mind now?

[00:04:22] Think over the situation, allow yourself to notice when you did it. Who was it with? We want to use this example throughout. We want for you to become consciously aware that you're doing it in order to change your subconscious mind.

[00:04:41] So we have to go a step at a time into this discovery. Just relax. That's all we're doing, just discovery. Be patient with this process. Don't click away. Stay with this until the very end where the benefits will be.

[00:04:59] There is nothing bad about exploring things that are hidden deep within your mind. Everybody has things. Now keep noticing this certain person. Is it a certain person specifically or a certain kind of person or maybe a category of people where you find yourself needing to please them rather

[00:05:23] than possibly standing up for what you might like? Do you do this with authoritative figures? Is it with friends? Is it with your children? Is it with your spouse? Or your parents? Is it with people in your workplace or business or acquaintances?

[00:05:45] Is it with people you have to deal with on a regular basis who may not be stable? Is it with relatives or church people? Who is it that triggers you into the behavior of needing to please them

[00:05:59] in order to keep the peace, not rock the boat, not disrupt the relationship? Just keep noticing who this might be happening with. Now with one person or a specific situation in mind, think about what happened now just before you decided to people please.

[00:06:19] Even though that's a subconscious action, it's still a decision. Think about what were you doing just before the people pleasing started? The first step helps you realize what is actually happening. What thought did you have in your mind, in the presence of this person

[00:06:42] that caused you to want to appease them, to please them or not say what you really wanted to say? We're just exploring who and what the triggers are for your people pleasing activities when they happen. Just notice. All we're doing is noticing and considering.

[00:07:03] Gently bring your mind to the situation. Be gentle with yourself, not judgmental. Just take a moment and think of the situation. What were you doing with this person? What did they say or do that triggered you into reacting or saying and doing a people pleasing behavior?

[00:07:26] What thoughts did you have that caused the people pleasing? Allow that to come to mind for a moment. Did you feel a sense of dread with this person or situation, which is why you people pleased? Did you feel anxiety if you don't do or act in the way

[00:07:51] the person needs you to so that they don't react? Did you feel worry, nervousness, or did you feel like a fraud? You don't want this person or people to find out if you don't know what you're doing.

[00:08:06] Did you feel you're not good enough to stand up for yourself? Or did you simply not want to rock the boat? Explore what you felt. Consider why you may have people pleased. Remember, these are simply explorations we're tapping in to your hidden parts of yourself.

[00:08:25] No one is forcing you to change. You're just accessing your subconscious mind, the hidden parts. Without this access where the knowledge resides, you cannot change even if you decide you want to. Everyday situations can trigger people pleasing. For example, if you always clean up after another person's

[00:08:50] dishes because you'd rather not confront them, there may come a day when you blow up at them, which would be a natural feeling after feelings have been stuffed down for a long time. Or think of an example of having a friend over.

[00:09:05] Your cell phone rings and it's someone who is a trigger for your people pleasing. Instead of letting the call go to voicemail, you answer it. Knowing full well this person is going to occupy your time. Once you answer, you still have the opportunity to quickly say to them,

[00:09:25] may I call you back because I have company right now? Or hey, I'd like to chat right now but I can't because I have company. I'll call you back okay? But you don't do this. You take the call. The other person goes on and on

[00:09:41] and now you're in a full blown conversation with them. Meanwhile, your other friend is sitting in front of you waiting. You've decided to pacify the one on the phone and make the priority person in front of you feel like they are not a priority to you.

[00:09:58] So when you think of consequences of people pleasing, understand you're making choices all the time. What would actually be the consequence if you didn't answer the phone in the first place and focus on your friend who's with you? What catastrophic thing would happen

[00:10:17] if you didn't respond to the phone person? Had you told them you're busy at the moment? This happens a lot in this day and age but when you are the person waiting, it's actually quite rude behavior to dismiss them

[00:10:30] in their time that they allotted to be with you in lieu of someone you could just as easily speak to later. Unless it's an emergency of course or quick pressing matter, what is the real consequence of not taking the call in this situation and offending the friend

[00:10:47] who's right in front of you? Now go back to your personal situation you had in mind. These are just examples. Bring that situation back to mind. And now I want you to consider the consequence with this person or situation of not doing it.

[00:11:07] What would happen if you didn't fall into people pleasing behavior with them in that instance? Take a moment and allow your mind to explore and find the answer. Relax. Allow. Take a deep breath from your diaphragm. Be with yourself on this safe exploration.

[00:11:28] Nothing has to change, no one is forcing you. This is simply a time to seek information from the subconscious part of yourself. The more hidden parts you normally don't access. What would happen if you didn't people please in this situation? Would you disappoint the person?

[00:11:51] Would they yell at you? Do you feel obligated in some way? Would they be mad at you and give you the silent treatment? Would an argument ensue? Do you fear you wouldn't be listened to and taken seriously for your true feeling?

[00:12:10] Consider for a moment whatever fits your situation. Every situation is different. If you didn't do this, what would it mean to your own identity? Let's go a little further. You're very sweet. Everybody knows that. You're used to making others feel important. So is your identity tied into being

[00:12:36] a sweet, agreeable person rather than being thought of as selfish perhaps? If you didn't people please, do you feel you would be looked at as being not a nice person? Would this harm you? If you didn't people please, what is the consequence?

[00:12:57] People pleasing is done for internal and external reasons. Let's explore some of these now. External validation is for things such as you don't feel good enough. You don't want to make someone mad because their upset scares you or is uncomfortable.

[00:13:16] You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings but often you simply don't want your image or identity to be different than that of someone who is always agreeable and making another person feel better, important and validated. External validation unfortunately is like a well with no bottom.

[00:13:36] It never really fills you up. So let's take a moment and explore now your beliefs about yourself. When does people pleasing happen? Is it when you're being manipulated by this person? Notice what happens just before you found yourself acting in a people pleasing manner.

[00:13:58] Notice the person or category of people who trigger you to act this way and notice again what would be the consequence of not taking action on people pleasing. Explore these consequences. What is the reality of what would actually happen?

[00:14:17] Is it real that you could be harmed by this person or situation if you don't people please? We're working now to make a subconscious mind come up to the conscious awareness. There may be more than one thought about what's real, what's reality and what isn't.

[00:14:34] Let's explore what's real. Is it true the worst thing that would happen is disappointing or hurting the other person's feelings or not making them happy because they disagree with you? To begin thinking of stopping people pleasing and just explore this idea,

[00:14:54] we need to find these answers by breaking it down to the who, what triggers you, when is it triggered, how is it triggered and why is it triggered. Notice when you welcome the experience of people pleasing. We're simply making this easier to understand.

[00:15:14] We wanna break down into steps by thinking specifically about what you were doing before you engaged in people pleasing. Did the person ask you to do something which triggered a reaction inside of you? Did this person take up your time in person

[00:15:32] on the phone or otherwise when you had other things to do? How did this happen? Did you find it impossible to make everyone happy so you chose the person who would be the most upset by using this behavior? What would have happened had you been honest?

[00:15:56] What would have happened had you said to the person what you would like to have said? These are people pleasing situations that can be avoided oftentimes with simple honesty. Do you feel this would be offending to someone if you were honest and kind about needing your own time

[00:16:16] before speaking at length with that person, for example? People pleasing is a consequence of events external and internal that are connecting together. These behaviors develop when there is fear, sadness, walking on eggshells, not wanting to make someone mad or other situations. Your experience of people pleasing is unique,

[00:16:44] but it is a universal behavior that has changed fairly easily once uncovered with practice. Our boundaries or lack thereof are at issue. Now think about the consequences of saying no. When you think of a situation, think of it that way. By people pleasing one person,

[00:17:04] who is the other person being harmed? In most cases, it will be you or just one other person. In other cases, it may be more than one person, but either way, explore now the thought of the real reality. What is the real reality here

[00:17:22] of this person in situation you have in your mind? Is it a real possibility that if you don't people please, the relationship will in fact break? Is it a real possibility in reality that if you speak up in the right way, you may lose your job?

[00:17:40] What will really happen to the other person if you told them you'll call them back? So explore these questions. Is your reality distorted? Is it really that bad? What would really happen to Snowdice? Is it real? Is it really a devastating consequence

[00:18:04] that would cause you to people please? Just notice. It's okay, be kind to yourself. You're allowing your subconscious mind to bring up the truth, even if it feels a little uncomfortable, stay with it. All you're doing is seeking the truth

[00:18:22] in order to discover how this behavior affects you and others. You need your hidden mind to deliver this information into your awareness. Otherwise change is not possible. There are neuro pathway associations around people pleasing. Just like other behavior patterns and habits, they can be changed.

[00:18:47] You are not a flawed person. This is simply a learned behavior needed to keep you safe. It was a way of coping in order to stay safe as a child or in a bad situation in your adult life. So notice what the consequences are

[00:19:03] if you did not do the people pleasing behaviors. Continue thinking about this because people pleasing is exhausting, isn't it? And it is harmful to you and it's harmful to others. It makes others feel less important to you. Would you like to begin the possibility of letting this go?

[00:19:26] Can you see it a little better now? Consider any other times that pop into your mind when you were so uncomfortable in dread, in fear, feeling not good enough, feeling like an imposter, not wanting to upset someone for fear of what? They'll be upset with you.

[00:19:44] And that feels like what to you? Fill in the blank. It probably feels pretty bad for you. It must be exhausting making you feel badly that you cannot be yourself and you want to. You want to be yourself. And others want you to be yourself

[00:20:05] and set your boundaries so they know how to treat you and where they stand. Let's uncover the actual intention behind people pleasing behaviors from the subconscious mind. What would that be? Think of this just a moment. Didn't your people pleasing start as a method

[00:20:28] to protect you in some way? Weren't the intentions of this behavior actually good in the beginning? Especially if you were young and immature when it began, how could you know? It's simply your way of being in the world

[00:20:41] and your environment to cope, to get along, to feel safe. Isn't this the truth? The intentions were good. Even if you had it good as a child and you feel there wasn't any reason for people pleasing behavior. If it didn't happen as an adult in some situation,

[00:20:58] then consider thinking further about how it might have begun. Even in good households with lots of love, a child may adopt these behaviors to get more attention from mom or dad or to receive more love. It could be as simple as that

[00:21:13] or it could be something that's not so positive. There are a lot of ways that it can develop. The point is the intentions behind people pleasing were good, weren't they? It was never meant for harm like an evil act. It was simply a way to cope,

[00:21:28] to get along, to not have to say things you thought might make someone go away. All of these behaviors still have a positive intent, probably for protecting you. Now you're beginning to understand your mind what your subconscious part is trying to tell you.

[00:21:46] You needed people pleasing in the past to stay safe but you're grown adult now who deserves to set boundaries with others in kind but firm ways that work for those around you and work for you. It's okay to say no instead of yes

[00:22:03] when you don't want to say yes. Isn't that great? The really good news is that you can now begin to separate the intent of people pleasing from the actual act of people pleasing and you can begin to stop. Like any bad habit,

[00:22:21] it can be changed each time you practice. This is great news. Let's also alleviate the shame around this now. You did nothing wrong when you adopted the behaviors of people pleasing. You were simply surviving your circumstances. Your intention was always good

[00:22:38] but now you wanna let this go, don't you? Now as an adult make the decision today to begin practicing new behaviors. So one idea is today start small with someone in a situation in which you feel most comfortable doing. Make an intention now by saying out loud,

[00:23:01] I will allow myself to change one incident in the next 48 hours where I want to people please. I choose differently this time. Say this out loud, here it is again. I will allow myself to change one incident in the next 48 hours where I want to people please.

[00:23:29] I choose differently this time to help you I have these phrases in a free guide you can download after on the description. You'll separate behavior from intent now. Look at the intent of your people pleasing. Go ahead and visualize saying goodbye to this intent

[00:23:50] and thank it for doing its job because it was only trying to protect you. See yourself telling this intent goodbye. Let yourself know it will be okay and you're going to replace the old behavior patterns with fresh new ones that are adult that work for you today.

[00:24:09] Thank the intent in the old people pleaser that was you for keeping you safe. Visualize now your adult people pleaser. Go ahead and see yourself. Look at yourself and say, it's time for me to become who I am and stop hiding behind you

[00:24:29] because I deserve to be who I am. It's hurting me to carry all these resentments. It's harming my health, my relationships and my own happiness to continue carrying on with people pleasing behavior. So I'm going to go ahead now and say goodbye to you for now.

[00:24:51] If you come back to visit me I'll do my best to gently say goodbye to you again. For you and I both know now it's not good for either of us. I wanna thank you for your protection. You were capable, but I'm good now.

[00:25:07] I have a high value of myself. I'm going to learn new boundaries so I'm not going to get taken advantage of. Now visualize yourself going through the situation you've had in mind and see it differently. Imagine yourself saying what you wished

[00:25:24] you would have said instead of people pleasing before. See yourself standing tall and not taking on the other person's reaction. That is theirs to own. You own what you are saying. See yourself saying this. See yourself spitting out the words you want to say

[00:25:44] while still being kind and yet firm. Think of the phone call situation. Seeing yourself say to the caller I'm sorry to interrupt you but I have company right now. I will call you back later. Do you feel that that is rude? It actually isn't rude, it's honest.

[00:26:05] If some people make it hard for you to change you may have to be firmer and remind them again and again in order to counteract your old behavior. People are used to you being this way. So it's now up to you to teach them your new boundaries.

[00:26:24] We are the ones who signal to others how we want to be treated. After you do this a few times you will be teaching others especially those close to you how to treat you differently and their behavior will cease or get better

[00:26:40] when and only when you remain with conviction. They won't have a choice and their reaction is not your responsibility. We can only control ourselves. Surprisingly, you might find yourself earning respect from others over time with whom you thought might throw a fit or be angry.

[00:27:02] Some of your people will actually be happy you're setting boundaries and making what is in front of you more important because it truly is. All you're doing is considering to flip to the opposite belief and tell yourself, wow I can change this. It is within my grasp.

[00:27:20] I have brought it forward from my subconscious mind and I see it better. This is exciting. You get to be who you wanna be. You don't have to stuff your true feelings down because it will upset someone because you matter, your feelings matter. Otherwise, you'll resort back

[00:27:37] to doing the same old thing. You have the power to change because if you don't then the strategy of your subconscious mind will continue because it isn't being shown a better way. By showing it a new way you're teaching your subconscious mind that you're interrupting the old patterns

[00:27:58] and it will naturally begin to change the more you do this for the better. Just think of the payoff, relief, what a relief. Tell yourself now I am gonna work on letting my old stories and my old narrative go now. Relax, I'm gonna walk into a new me

[00:28:19] without the old person who people please and I don't want to be like this all the time. I am someone who stands up. I am someone who expresses honestly and openly how I feel. I want to be known by my spouse, my friends, my children,

[00:28:35] my family, relatives, the church, my work associates because I know that when it works for me it's good for others too. I can be my best self when I'm true to myself. There are times when compromise is warranted, of course and that's all okay.

[00:28:53] There are times you will need to do some of this behavior but it's done with different intent, isn't it? Giving up people pleasing doesn't mean becoming a selfish person so full of boundaries that it's ridiculous. It's about allowing life to have a nice back and forth exchange

[00:29:10] where you're not giving up more of yourself and building resentments in the process. That is not empowering to you. Wherever it came from almost doesn't matter right now. I want you to think these thoughts. I reclaim my power today. I take back control over my reactions

[00:29:33] and I allow space for the other person to have their own feelings and reactions. I am not in control of their feelings and reactions. Even if they get mad at me, that is not my fault. I need to do this for myself and I easily make this change.

[00:29:51] I am ready to choose to reclaim my power. I'm raising myself standard and my value. I'm starting to put this to work in this next 48 hours because I know the reasoning beneath the surface. I'm aware now of what's happening. Say to yourself, now I am not broken.

[00:30:12] I am saying goodbye to the people pleaser within. At this point, you might want to light a candle and write a goodbye letter to your people pleaser. You can burn the letter, feel the power of a ritual such as this.

[00:30:28] Now take a moment to come back into your room and grab a paper and pen and jot down anything that comes to mind. Don't judge it. If there's more coming just allow, notice. Allow the pen to write and wait to read it until the energy is stopped.

[00:30:43] You've opened your subconscious thoughts in parts of your mind. It might have more to tell you. So honor the process. If you find there's more thoughts coming, just get them out on paper and then repeat the statements you said in this episode.

[00:30:58] If you want to know what they are, just download that free guide. It's all free. This has been introductory meditation to help you with the why, what, who, when and where you might be being triggered into these behaviors but do continue your process

[00:31:12] whether with a professional or by journaling or listening to this meditation over and over. It may be helpful to talk to a friend and a spouse about this and how you plan to change. I realize this is not an all-encompassing solution. My hope is it has awakened you

[00:31:29] in some small way to continue on your quest for change. Please comment any part of your ideas if this helped you in any way. I have enjoyed creating this for you. I'm Kate Wilder and I sincerely appreciate you listening. You might enjoy some other guided meditations

[00:31:45] but grow in practice with changing your people-pleasing and claiming your power in the next 48 hours. And then come back and share it with us, won't you? Now go out there and give it a try. You can do it. You have the empowerment and you are so worth it.